


It's Not Unusual

by ruthvsreality



Category: Crooked Media RPF
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 03:56:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20075734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruthvsreality/pseuds/ruthvsreality
Summary: Jon Favreau is weird.





	It's Not Unusual

Jon Favreau is weird.

Tommy’s sitting in the corner of a coffee shop in 2008, waiting for the candidate to finish ordering his coffee. Anyone can order coffee but when the candidate does it, it ends up taking half an hour. Nothing goes quickly on political campaigns. Tommy’s used to it.

Jon is sitting across from him, scribbling something into his notebook. Tommy looks at his watch and glances over at the bathroom, where an intern wearing a Yes We Can shirt rushes out.

“You know,” Tommy turns towards Jon, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you use the bathroom.”

Jon frowns. “What?”

Tommy nods. “I’m serious. We’ve known each other for over two years now, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you go to the bathroom.”

“You mean, like, in the fucking stall with me?” Jon grins.

“No! No, I don’t - I’m not - don’t be an ass about this. I’m just saying it’s weird.”

Jon gives him a bemused look for a moment, and then gets up and goes to the bathroom.

Tommy rolls his eyes. He then makes a point of rolling his eyes again when Jon comes back.

“Okay, that doesn’t count.”

“Dude, the fact that you make a note of how often I do or do not go to the bathroom is what is weird.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I meant I’ve never seen you. I just… thought it was odd.” Now Tommy is the one who feels odd, which is not the point of this conversation.

Jon rolls his eyes and widens them comically. “Maybe I like it that way.”

Tommy scrunches up his nose and picks up his phone to go look at his messages.  
  
Jon Favreau is weird.

\---

It’s 2010, and Jon, Dan, and Tommy are all trying to work on a speech about infrastructure, and failing.

“It’s like there’s one brain cell between all three of us,” Tommy mutters.

“I’d make a comeback but it’s not my turn to use the brain cell,” Dan replies. He’s got his head on the table, his forehead resting on the cool shiny wood.

Jon groans as his contribution.

“We should get food,” Tommy decides. “We should get food, and take a break, and then when we get back, the speech will still be here, but it won’t be this garbled mess of nonsense.”

The two other men seem to consider this for a moment. “Okay,” Jon says.

They all grab their bags and their winter coats and troop out into the Washington snow.

There’s a pizza place tucked into a corner down a back street. Tommy orders six pieces for the three of them, and they settle down at a table. Snow falls in big fat flakes outside; thank God it’s too warm to stick to the street.

Jon begins to eat his slice once it’s presented to him and once again, Tommy needs to point out the strangeness he’s seeing in front of him that he’s seen before.

“You’re eating with a knife and fork,” he points out.

Jon pauses cutting up his slice. “I am. Got a problem with that?”

Dan grins at Jon’s defensiveness; Tommy holds up his hands. “You do you, dude. Don’t worry about me.”

Jon continues to eat his pizza with a knife and fork, like some sort of Victorian gentleman. This is not the first nor will it be the last time Tommy teases him about it.

\---

“Jon!” Tommy shouts. “C’mon, we gotta go!”

It’s 2013, and Tommy and Jon are in Los Angeles, and they’re going to be on television in an hour.

Or, well, maybe they will. They probably won’t be if Jon makes them late.

“Give me a second!” Jon calls from his bedroom. Tommy goes over and opens the door, fully prepared to chew him out for still getting dressed even though he set three alarms.

Jon is tying his shoes, which is good. But he’s also…

“Are you tying your shoes with one hand?” Tommy asks.

“Yeah.” Jon gets the other one tied and then he stands up.

Tommy blinks at him, eyes narrowed in confusion. “Why?”

“I hurt my arm when I was ten, learned to do it with one hand.”

Tommy frowns. “Okay, but why do it now?”

Jon shrugs. “It’s faster.”

Tommy just saw Jon do it. It’s not faster.

\---

It’s 2014, and Tommy has realized that not only is Jon just… strange, but strange things happen around him, too.

Tommy and Jon are going to the movies on a Sunday, half for the air-conditioning, half because it’s a knockoff James Bond movie and two hours watching some guy kick some other guys' asses will be fun. Maybe they’ll get a bonus explosion or two.

Tommy is about to poke the second straw into the frankly enormous cup of soda they bought for themselves when Jon taps his shoulder.

”Oh my god,” he whispers. Tommy leans forward to see what Jon’s seeing.

There’s an old woman, a few rows down, sitting in her chair, eating a goddamn fish like a candy bar!

It looks to be... cooked, at least, or something, but it’s not breaded, and she’s fucking tearing pieces off of it, like it’s a goddamn banana, with the piece of wax paper wrapped around it like a peel. Tommy thinks he can see an eyeball.

It’s something out of some David Lynch nightmare horror film! It’s fucking terrifying, and so, so goddamn weird. Tommy turns to Jon and mouths “what the fuck,” and Jon immediately bursts into poorly contained giggles, doubling over in his seat.

It’s a particularly tense point in the movie, and several people shush them, but Jon is too far gone, overcome with giggles at this fucking woman eating a goddamn carp.

The next day Lovett meets up with them for lunch. He asks them about the flick. “How was the movie?” He asks.

Jon immediately erupts into a fit of giggles. Tommy glares at him. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

\---

Jon and Tommy are on their fifth date in 2015. (Their fifth date ever, not just the fifth date they’ve happened to have this year. They’ve been going out to dinner together for years, but these are real, proper dates, with kissing.)  
  
Jon asks, “When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?”

Tommy says, “A baseball player. You?”

Jon replies, “A structural engineer. At least, until I took geometry.”

Tommy blinks at him. Who says that?

\---

Tommy watches one night in 2016 as Jon takes his mug of hot chocolate, and, to Tommy’s horror, pours a sizable amount of tabasco sauce into it.

“It tastes good!” Jon says.

Tommy tries some. It does not.

\---

“I was in a talent show once,” Tommy says. Jon got an email from his niece showing her tap dance performance. Tommy glanced over and saw it from his desk at the Crooked offices. He really should be doing work but instead he’s goofing off and trying to make a list of things he’s going to do once 2017 rolls around next month.

Is it too soon to propose? It’s only been two years. But he’s known Jon for ages. Still, would it be too early? Would it be -

“I was in a talent show once, too.” Jon replies. “What did you do?”

“Card tricks,” Tommy says. “It was middle school. What about you?”

“I can imitate the sound of a swamp.”

“What?”

Jon covers his mouth and proceeds to make a frighteningly good impression of a swamp, complete with the croaking of frogs and the underlying hum of insects.

Tommy stares at him. “That’s a neat trick, Jon.”

“It’s good at parties.” Jon turns back to his work.

\---

Tommy is lazily thrusting into Jon, who’s on his back, in their bed, on a lazy Saturday afternoon in the dog days of summer in 2018.

Jon feels so fucking good. Fucking him feels right. Warm and tight and intimate, exactly like good sex should be. Tommy loves this. Tommy loves Jon -

“Hey Tommy?” Jon asks.

“Yeah?” Tommy stills his hips.

‘Do you think Obama has ever kissed a guy?”

Tommy stares at him. “Well,” he tries to adopt a reasonable tone, “what makes you think he has?” Is this really the time for this conversation?

“I mean, everybody experiments in college.”

“I didn’t,” Tommy points out.

“That’s true. Still,” Jon continues, “do you think he ever kissed a dude in between all that studying and introspective stuff at Columbia?”

Tommy glances down. Jon has not gotten harder as a result of this conversation, but he hasn’t lost his erection, either.

“I don’t know,” Tommy says honestly.

“Just a thought.” Jon smiles and leans his head back into the pillows. “You feel really, really good, by the way. You’re so fucking hot like this.”

Tommy smiles and goes back to what he was doing.

\---

Tommy has been staring at Jon picking the peas out of his fried rice when the most important thought he’ll probably have during all of 2019 comes to him.

I absolutely want to spend the rest of my life with this guy.

First he needs to tell Jon something, though.

“You can buy it without peas, you know,” Tommy says.

Jon looks up. “What?”

“The fried rice. You can buy it without peas if you don’t like peas.”

“Hate peas,” Jon mutters, as if that weren’t already obvious. “You can buy it without peas?”

“You can buy it however you want,” Tommy replies. “That’s not important. Jon - have you ever thought about getting married?”

\---

“Hey.” Tommy says.

“Hey.” Jon replies.

“You know…” Tommy leans back and grabs his water bottle from inside the tent, “I’ll admit it now. This was a great honeymoon idea.”

It’s 2020, and the two of them are nowhere near a beach for their honeymoon. Instead, they’re on the top of a goddamn mountain, in a tent, watching the sun rise.

And it’s fucking beautiful.

“Um.” Jon looks at him and reaches over to pet Leo. “I, uh, want to thank you, by the way. For marrying me.”

Tommy lets out a bark of laughter. “Sure, anytime, dude.”

“No, I’m serious.” Jon leans his head on Tommy’s shoulder. “I know I’m… quirky, and odd, and… weird. It’s just… nice to know that someone was willing to put up with all that stuff.”

“I’m not ‘putting up with it’, man.” Tommy leans over and pecks him on the lips. “It’s what makes you, you. I wouldn’t have married you any other way. And besides,” he adds, “we’re weird together.”  
  
Jon stares out into the morning sunlight. “Yeah,” he agrees, “we’re weird together.”

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. The story about the fish comes from my other absolute favorite podcast We Hate Movies, where four guys discuss terrible movies every week. It's been with me for years and this part still makes me cackle out loud.  
2\. The part about someone being able to imitate the sound of a swamp comes from here: https://www.thisamericanlife.org/241/20-acts-in-60-minutes/act-seventeen-6 it's only two minutes, go listen to it.  
3\. Many thanks to SelfRescuingPrincess and Fizzy for beta-ing.


End file.
